By Gabriel Bernales
Growing up, I was sold the idea of family is supporting, compassionate, and understanding — the way I fell for the propaganda of how a nuclear family should look like. Well maybe that idea seemed to burst my bubble and the world does not revolve around that way. I was the result of two lovers who felt it was just them against the world — their love was beyond a fairytale.
I was born in 2003 after experiencing the Asian Financial Crisis in the late 90s and it was also a post-9/11 timeline — what a time to be alive, I guess. Based on anecdotes from relatives, I was beloved since birth until I reached into my tween years. I am fortunate to say I was born with a “silver spoon” and the curiosity of a precocious child; I was provided with books and game consoles, my snacks and lunch were always abundant. I am lucky to say I was not neglected.
In a typical nuclear family setup, you would expect there will be traditional gender roles, but in my case, it is the complete opposite. My mom was working 9-5 and had a side hustle and my dad was a stay-at-home husband, you may look at his state and probably thought he’s maybe a “deadbeat” kind of father — and honestly? you wouldn’t be wrong. Nevertheless, through the lens of an optimistic and vibrant eyes of a child, I thought we were perfect.
During middle school while my mom was at abroad and my dad was busy drinking with his friends, I tried many things to distract myself from the amount of books I read and how many games I played on Xbox. I yearned to know what parental love felt like. From my dad it felt like a matter of convenience; from my mom it felt like a form of compensation.
I guess I can’t complain.
In the ripe age of 12, they decided to separate themselves from one another. As an only child I couldn’t comprehend why I had to be the mediator for their “World War”. It’s like I am Ireland between the militia warfare of Great Britain and Germany. I want to die at that point but I couldn’t, I was stuck in a no-win situation.
At the end of the war, I chose to go with my mom.
We moved into the house of our grandmother, it was serene and peaceful, it was a great start for a new chapter — for my mom, obviously.
Being a teenager can be two things; angst and wanderlust. I did combine those two and it was a recipe for disaster. I was insufferable because I resented them. A repeated “Why?” kept ringing inside my head. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t just tell me the truth; after all, I was the kid who “understood everything” so easily.
NEWS FLASH. NO.
I rebelled. I leaned into vices that would have seen me immediately ostracized by my family. Eventually, my mom and I had a talk—one of those “TED Talk” moments where the speaker has a sudden epiphany. I began to try to be “enlightened,” to accept the fact that I was met with emotional absence as a child and that I still had to be the one to “adjust” because it was the only way forward.
Going to the present day, I have come to accept the terms they were really not for each other, besides my mom is a Gemini and my dad is a Scorpio — a combination will ensue chaos. Maybe, in another life they will find someone who truly loves them and found solace to the fact that their marriage was a fluke. They’re okay and I’m okay.
I am glad that my parents aren’t together anymore.
